Yesterday, my phone rang…which shocked me. When Im abroad, I inform people of my departure and my return date so they know not to call me. Texting is better money wise …
But it was my grandmother’s number, so out of habit I picked up the phone and answered like good little girls does…
She merely wanted to remind me that sun creme really is a must in Turkey. Its supposedly darn hot there….uh, and don’t forget to drink plenty of water and each your vitamins everyday. Those vitamins wont work unless you eat them everyday. …oh yeah how was my weeks in Turkey going so far?
We had a quick talk and I hung up…I looked onto the balcony table where the cleaning lady had placed two large and bright sunflower in an empty wine bottle. My dinner, a empty bowl of yoghurt, stood in front of me…I couldn’t help but smile.
I really am privileged to have that woman and her husband as my grandparents…They have sun flowers in their garden too…
At the age of 30 after a particularly nasty and cruel divorce, my father suddenly found himself as a single parent with custody of a little girl as well as still being hopelessly in love with his ex-wife. My mother had custody of my little brother since he was the youngest and still needed my mother. My dad was stuck with me….who at the age of 3 year old, HATED being dirty and the company of men like the plague! With the exception of my dad, my grandfather and when he behaved as I wanted him to….my little brother. I was the ultimate ‘stranger danger’ siren! If any another man approached me, the sirens started on volume extremely high! In other words, I was the most parents call … a serious daily challenge. But I was the apple of my father's eye.
But it was a difficult time …. my dad being newly educated and had to begin from scratch in his workplace…No place to live…a lot of debt thanks to the divorce….so when my grandparents stepped up and offered to help my dad, he nearly wept. The relief that came from knowing he was not entirely alone, my dad described to me as utterly astounding. My father relied heavily on his parents for a little extra help …we lived with them for 6 months until our new house was ready. My grandmother babysat me when my dad had to work nights, which happened 2-3 times a week. Basically, my amazing dad raised me … with my grandparents. Our ned house was just a few blocks away from my grandparents. That way I could alway walk from school and home to my grandparents, if my dad had to work.
My parents had declared a cold war against each other until I was a teen… So my grandparents have been a major influence on my upbringing because of the lack of interest from my mother. My grandmother has never been afraid to take over the leading role of motherhood in my life. I had really still in contact with my mother and my brother, but I’ve just never had a super close relationship with my mother compared to my relationship with my father … My brother and I have always been close. At times it was us against the world…Many times it was us against our mother who gave us two younger siblings and then forgot for a while that she actually had children before those two came along. Life with my mother could be very….difficult at times.
So I learned almost everything I know about life from my old school grandmother. The most basic female things and behavior were things my grandmother taught me… and it was also her who made sure that I had a relatively decent clothes that suited a girl. Not that my father did not do a great job …. but there are just some things that men just do not understand and probably never will, when it comes to the female gender with all their mysteries. It also turned out to be a challenge for my grandmother at times since I had a 6 year long tomboy phase and refused to be near anything girly. My grandmother was strict at times, but I have never laughed as much as I did in their company. Life was one big adventure when I was with them. My grandfather….
Well my grandfather and I share a funny kind of bond. We are so much alike, it is scary at times. When my grandmother wanted to braid my hair, I would run and hide with my grandfather who didn’t ‘know where that wretched granddaughter of ours is. Maybe she ran out in the woods to play?’ whenever my grandmother would hound him for information.
One thing I remember very clearly from those days was my lack of growth. I was an extremely small child. Our family physician informed my dad that I ate and drank too little dairy, and that was the reason why I was so small. I had to eat way more dairy or my health would deteriorate within months. (Later on we discovered it was in fact cancer that messed with my growth as a child) Those news terrified my grandfather. From then on, every time I was at their house, my grandfather created a tradition. Before any fun could begin, I had to eat a bowl full of yoghurt and drink one big glass of milk and he would of course eat and drink as well. Often he would coerce my grandmother to join us as well. I hated anything dairy. But he made it a unique experience to eat and drink.
I remember a round table with a beautiful antique vase of flowers from their garden standing in the middle of the table, three bowls of yoghurt and three big glasses of milk standing ready for us whenever I came through the door. My grandfather would make fun and tell jokes, making time go faster and suddenly there was no more dairy left and the fun could begin!
A month ago my grandparents celebrated their, respectively, 75 – and 80-year birthday … which I do not understand … in my head they are still in their late fifties.
I am without doubt the person I am today because of my father and my grandparents. Most of my values come from them anyway …. I have my grandmother’s curiosity …. I have to know everything and preferably yesterday … just like her. I have my manner from her and she was certainly not afraid to remind me I had to behave myself as the little lady I should be …. Despite my Tomboy trends in childhood, some of those basic Manners managed to seep through my brain and to this day I am so thankful for the fact that she more or less forced those manners upon me.
My father and I resemble each other very much. This means that there will be friction .. but my grandmother often take on the role of a buffer zone, when we started third World War and would often function as my psychologist, so I can get all my rage out … This happened particularly often in the teenage years.
I can even remember an example from childhood where my father had pissed me off …. I couldn’t live under those conditions! It was torture! (conditions being rules)’ Well, then you can just move out. Im sure the local orphanage would love to have you!’ came the reply (said with irony) from my father.
Fine! It sounded like a great idea! I packed a bag and was headed out the door when my father asked me where I was going …. “I’m moving in with grandma and grandpa! I can sleep on their couch!” It all ended now well again, but I have always known that their door was open for me … and still is for that matter.
I have my grandfather’s sweet tooth and his stubbornness … I remember a time when I was ready to quite gymnastics because I could not do handstands like the others on the team. All my strength is in my legs after many years as a football player …. not my arms. My grandfather pointed out that once you have started something, you finish it! There is no such thing as quitting in this family! Just because I couldn’t do one measly thing, didn’t mean I had to stop on the team …
It’s actually a saying I live by today … I do not start something if I’m going to finish it.
They have set a good example of how far you can get in life if you only have his best friend by side and treat his fellow man as you yourself would want to be treated …
Its kinda funny how other people can affect you…I always have fresh flowers of some kind on my table no matter where I am in the world and at least of my meals consists of yoghurt and milk. That way…my grandparents are always with me.
